I am no angel, and have never claimed to be. Those of you that know me in person know exactly what I am saying. I’ve always been a curser (not cursor; sorry, little computer pun) and this is completely okay in my family. My parents cursed, and I even heard my grandmother curse on many occasions. No big deal as long as you are responsible.

This means appropriate behaviour at those important times and in those important places. I generally have very few problems with this, but at times things slip out. I was so embarrassed today, when one of those slips happened.

I was listening to tunes on my iPhone when the phone rang. This has never happened to me before, but I always wondered what happened in these instances. I found out today. The music shuts off and you are instantly on the phone.

I was muttering to myself out loud, “Aw, f**k, who is phoning me now?”, and I got a response. “It’s Nurse Ratchet from the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority following up on your H1N1 status”. Oh no, she heard me! I was mortified! I wanted a hole in the floor to open up and swallow me.

So, I’m talking to this woman and trying to be super polite. All I can think is, do I apologize or let it go? She just kept on talking and talking and I couldn’t find an opportunity to say anything. After a minute or two, I felt like it would make it even worse if I apologized for cursing at her. What else could I do?

Now I have to careful even when I’m talking to myself. Damn technology.

Ugh. Well, I am back, in case anyone missed me. I had the H1N1 flu and the seasonal flu shots about two weeks ago.  I either was incubated with the H1N1 virus before the vaccine, or had a severe reaction it. The medical system can’t determine which, but the doctor said it didn’t really matter, I was sick either way.

After days of feeling like complete crap and a round of antibiotics, I finally feel well enough to concentrate on something for more than three minutes. And what fun we have had.

I was so irritable, I actually had a little fit of road rage the other day. We were driving home on Sunday afternoon and traffic was crazy because the big football game just ended. There were people and cars everywhere, cutting others off and just being ignorant. One woman was being particularly b*tchy and started yelling at us and dropping the “f-bomb”. I looked at her with a huge grin on my face and gave her a DOUBLE middle-finger salute.

This is uncharacteristic of me, not because I am a pleasant and meek person, but because I am afraid that someone like Jack Nicholson will jump out of a car with a golf club and use it. Oh well, aren’t you allowed to be irritable when you aren’t feeling well?

I have every right to be touchy. Kids take advantage of you when you are not feeling well. My darling second child volunteered to brush my hair. After a minute or two, I looked to see which brush she was using because it felt funny. Since when is, “Get that cat comb off my head!” a rational response? What normal human being thinks they will ever utter that sentence? Only a mother. A sick mother.

This same child is the one that chatters non-stop. Normally, this is tolerable, but the other day she was giving me a windy discourse of her thoughts. I actually said aloud, “Wow, even your inner dialogue is long-winded”. Good thing she had no idea what I was talking about.

Oh well, I’m starting to feel much better. Hopefully I can find more strength to get things done and be a better parent. My child in elementary school thinks that Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror Picture Show is handsome. What kind of mother lets a six-year-old watch that movie? It’s my own fault. It was Halloween and I was tired.

I have been thinking a lot about manipulation lately. I’ve decided that I am relatively easy to manipulate because I tend to be a “people pleaser” and avoid conflict. This causes me many problems in my life, because I am often influenced, controlled, coerced or taken advantage of.

I am certainly quite capable of standing up for myself. It’s just that in many situations, I will allow myself to be finagled to avoid confrontation or conflict with another person.

I’m not saying I’ve never manipulated someone, ever, because I believe that we all have. I just try not to be that type of person. Sometimes this is not so easy, though, as we all have some sort of power over people and use it to our own advantage.

Some people are master manipulators. I’m sure we all have at least one of these people in our lives. They are button-pushers and know exactly what to say and do to get what they want. They tend to be very charismatic, and people are often drawn to them. They seem fantastic outwardly, but once you get a glimpse of what is inside, it is hard to see them as anything other than an emotional bully. This is what I imagine people like Hitler and Jim Jones must have been like.

These people make manipulation a way of life, and use it to gain professional favours and forward their careers, as well as on a personal level to influence friendships and intimate relationships. I liken these people to Svengali and find that their behaviour is abusive, even if it is subtle, and can be alluring to people that are unaware of what is happening.

Do you have some one like this in your life?  Do you let yourself be manipulated by this kind of person?  It’s pretty hard not to.  If you let these people know that you are “onto them”, they will often become angry with you because they are embarrassed, ashamed and they believe they will always get away with their behaviour.  It’s not pleasant for them to be discovered as a phony.

So how do we deal with master manipulators?  I am learning to deal with conflict and not be afraid of it.  This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life.  Styles of communication are very difficult to change and it is not easy to change the way we react in situations.  Am I ever going to be able to deal effectively with master manipulators?  I hope so!

Do you have any ideas, tips or tricks on how to deal with these situations?  I’d love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment, or you can email me at donig@mts.net.  I can also be reached on my Facebook fan page or Twitter.

I have been a terrible blogger. I have been so busy lately, I haven’t had a chance to write any new posts. I was hoping something interesting or funny would happen with my family over the Thanksgiving weekend, giving me some fresh material, but no such luck.

My wedding anniversary is just after Thanksgiving, so this time of year and the change of season makes me reflective and contemplative. I have always considered myself incredibly fortunate to have been born in Canada. When I look at how many people in this world live in poverty and war-torn countries, I am grateful that by pure chance of birth, I have been given so many opportunities that they will never even know exist.

I am grateful that I have such an awesome husband who lets me be who I am, without expecting me to change. He tolerates my nonsense with a smile on his face. He knows what I like and dislike. He tries his best to make sure that I have what I like and gets rid of as many of my dislikes as he possibly can. I am very lucky to have a person like this in my life.

I have two beautiful children that have only suffered mild childhood illnesses and are capable of anything that has been put to them to this point in their lives. I am grateful that I can raise them in a healthy, safe environment, with good health and education systems.

I am appreciative for my extended family and all my great friends that love and support me. I have a good job and nice home, full of pretty things. I have a large selection of shoes and clothes to wear, and don’t have to worry about dressing in a manner that is considered appropriate for my culture. I have freedom of choice.

Canadian readers, I know Thanksgiving was a week ago, but think about all the wonderful things in your lives. American readers, this is an opportunity for you to think of some fantastic things to say when your Thanksgiving rolls around. For readers from the rest of the world, pretend you are celebrating Thanksgiving (without all the yummy food) and think about what you have in your life that you are grateful for. I think most of you will be surprised at how full your lives are and how lucky you really are.

As a somewhat serious writer, I often write down ideas when they come to me.  I then later look at some of these “brilliant ideas” and wonder how the hell I ever thought I could write a whole post based on some of these ideas.  Some of them are pretty entertaining, though, so I thought I would share them with you.

• I once asked my younger daughter what she thought I should write a post about.  She suggested aliens. 
• I often hear the unedited version of a song and think “I like the radio version better”.  That’s how you know you are getting old.
• My husband once did a Prince imitation that was so funny I almost peed my pants.  If you know my husband, picture it.
• I also told him once that he is spiteful and vindictive.  His reply was “That may be so, but you are just spiteful”!  Good one.
• My younger daughter was reading a book out loud and was supposed to say “he puckered up”.  It came out as “he pucked up”.  She had no idea why mom and dad were laughing so hard.
• The little darling was playing with Play-Doh the other day.  She showed me her creation and I nearly died.  It looked like a purple vagina.  That is not what it was supposed to be.
• My husband watches “Daisy of Love” and calls it his guilty pleasure.
• He once called me a “good-looking older woman” and thought it was a compliment.
• My daughter videotaped my husband shaking his butt to a Kanye West song once.  He now thinks he should be a contestant on “So You Think You Can Dance Canada”.  Yeah, next auditions, look out!

I had a lot more written down, but once I looked at them out of context, many of them made absolutely no sense!  I know, I know, that isn’t like me at all.  Take care, dear readers!

Have you ever done something that you knew, even before you started, that it was going to make you look like an idiot, but you went ahead and did it anyway? I do it all the time, but I think I’ve really taken the cake this time.

I hate waiting for people. I have absolutely no patience when it comes to waiting. I get really antsy and will often just go ahead and do what I was going to do by myself. And once I get an idea in my head, that’s it, I must act on it.

I’ve talked before about the non-stop renovations and “projects” that happen in my 102-year old home. We’ve been working on the basement off and on for several months and I really want to get it done before winter. I went downstairs and started clearing away some of the construction mess and arranging the rugs and furniture in one area. I sold the tv that was down there and wanted to move the one from my bedroom. That went off without a hitch.

Here’s is where I get stupid. There was a very large dresser upstairs that I wanted moved to the basement for quite some time. The stairs in our house are narrow and it is difficult to move furniture up and down. I got tired of waiting for my husband to help me and decided that I could move it myself. I took all the drawers out and got it fairly easily down the first flight of stairs. The stairs leading to the basement are EXTREMELY narrow, but I thought I had it all figured out.

I got down to the landing and started to try to turn the dresser to go down the rest of the stairs. I knew some manoeuvring would be required and was doing quite well. Suddenly, oh no, it’s not moving any more. I am stuck. The dresser got wedged and I couldn’t budge it an inch. I tried for a few minutes and then decided that I would go do some work until my husband got home. That was fine, but after about an hour, I needed to pee. We have no bathroom in the basement.

I kept on working, hoping the feeling would go way (yeah, right), then about a half hour later I realized that I could boot up the computer in the basement and email my guy on his Blackberry! Brilliant! I sent the email, making sure I stressed that this was not a joke. I could hear him trying to text me on my phone, but couldn’t get to the phone. I had to email him again, reminding him I couldn’t answer my phone since I was trapped in the basement.

When he got home about twenty minutes later, I could see how much of an idiot I was by the look on his face. The one that expresses all the suffering I put him through with my need for independence and the desire to prove that I can do whatever I damn well please. The look that says “did you honestly think you were going to pull this one off, Wile E. Coyote”? Boy, did I feel stupid. We had to use a hammer to break apart the dresser so that I could finally get out of the basement. The crappy dresser I’ve been dragging around for a couple of decades is no more.

And now I have to walk around like a dog with my tail between my legs for being so stupid when I really knew better. Good thing my husband has a good sense of humour. I am never going to live this one down.

I have never discussed about politics (per se) before and I never intended to.  For all the people living outside of Canada, if you have no interest in Canadian politics, you can leave now, unless you want to read one of the incoherent rants that I am famous for.

For those of you that are unaware, Canada has been governed by a Conservative minority government for the past few years. I have never supported or voted for a Conservative government, and my views right now are surprising.

I live in a very strong, urban NDP riding and proudly vote this way, even if it is seen as a wasted vote, because my NDP MP is a powerful woman with an excellent record in Parliament.  I have strong leftist leanings (child of two “Pierre Trudeau bleeding hearts liberals”), even though I believe that politics, like religion, shouldn’t be talked about because it causes a lot of bad blood.

Today I read an article regarding Canadian politics that really made me angry.  It appears that Michael Ignatieff, the leader of the Liberal party, has voted against the Conservative government on two issues, that in this economy, makes a lot of sense to make a stronger Canada.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not supporting the Conservative government, but come on! We have got to make sure we are creating a stronger Canada to tough the economic times.

First, the Liberals voted against a tax credit that will go to homeowners that have done renovations to their home within the last tax year.  I can’t believe that I am agreeing with the “right”, but this makes sense, to both stimulate the economy and give people a break on their taxes at year end.

The second thing that the Liberals are opposing is a condition to the Employment Insurance and long-term workers.  I don’t pretend to understand half of what is going on because I have only a passing interest in politics, but again, this makes little sense in the struggling economy. 

Are the Liberals trying to totally screw any chance they ever have of regaining power?  What the hell are they thinking?  If they ever want the average Canadian tax-payer (which is most of us) to ever vote for them again, why are they making the Conservatives look good?

I can’t believe that I am backing the Conservatives over the Liberals.  The Liberal Party has completely fallen apart and has become a joke.  How do they ever expect to govern the country again with such bad decisions?  In my opinion, the NDP should change their name like the old Reform party did.  It worked for them.  They’ve been governing the nation for a while now.  I’m just saying.

Now I know why I called my blog “O’s Opinions”.

Does anyone out there suffer from insomnia?  I know that everyone goes through phases in their lives where they cannot sleep, but I mean a real wicked case of insomnia for an extended period of time where sleep is elusive?

I’ve discovered that many people have difficulties sleeping and I’m not sure if this is a modern ailment or not.  My thinking is that hundreds of years ago, when people had to physically work from sun up to sun down just to run their household, getting a good night’s sleep wasn’t such a problem.   I may be way off base, but it makes sense.

In this modern era of stress and depression and anxiety, people have more time to ruminate over issues.  Many people do not exercise enough (me included, but I’m trying) and their bodies aren’t as physically spent at the end of the day.  Weight issues cause snoring, apnea and other problems that harm healthy sleeping patterns.

So here’s the deal.  I cannot sleep and have had major sleeping issues off and on my entire adult life.  I’ve been to a sleep clinic where I’ve been recorded while I was sleeping (or lack there of), I’ve had medical tests out the wazoo, changed my diet and exercise habits, lost weight, and prescribed medication.

I still cannot sleep through the night.  I am one of those people that generally has relatively few problems falling asleep, but I cannot stay asleep.  I was prescribed a “Z-drug”, which is like a benzodiazepine except thought to be less addictive.  It now turns out that they are probably as addictive as the old-school benzodiazepines.  Thanks, doctor.

These sleeping pills are supposed to be taken “as needed”.  I started talking them every night.  When I expressed concern over addiction, the doctor said not to be concerned about that right now (that’s a joke, me not be concerned).  I was still waking up in the middle of the night and having problem falling back asleep.  The doctor then told me to take two sleeping pills a night, which apparently is enough to put a lumberjack in a coma, but I still wake up in the night.

We all know the saying, “there is no rest for the wicked”, but really, were the things I’ve done that bad?  Oh well, what can you do?  Just wait for nine o’clock so I can take my sleeping pills.

The problem with blogging is that you have to always have something new to say.  Readers are not interested in hearing similar stories over and over again. 

This is why I sometimes go for long periods of time without any new posts.  Often my life is so mundane, I have no idea what I would write about that would interest people.  At other times, my life is chaos, and I wouldn’t know where to start.

These are not necessarily creatively “dry” periods for me.  I just don’t blog.  When my life is a tumultuous mess, I write horribly dark poems and short stories.  I sometimes think that I may attempt to get them published in a volume one day, but when I go back and read them, I actually frighten myself.  Do you think that happens to other writers?

The other side of my creativity is doing crafts, in particular, making handcrafted jewelry.  I’ve only been doing this for a few months, but I love it.  When life is calm, with not much going on, I like to sit down and make pretty, sparkly things.  Such a contrast from my esoteric poetry with its deep undertones.  I love the dualistic nature of humans, the good and the bad, the dark and the light, the male and the female, the yin and the yang.

So where am I going with this?  Nowhere.  I just wanted to explain why I sometimes go for a week or so with no new posts.  I don’t want to bore you with my banal daily living or scare the crap out of you with my insane ramblings about the state of my mental health.

So happy reading, and maybe I’ll have something interesting to say soon!

I spent my twenties trying to figure who I was and what I should be doing.  You know, forming an identity.  I spent my thirties creating stability and settling into my roles.  Now in my forties, I feel the need to change many aspects of my life and revamp parts of my identity. 

I guess this is the so-called mid-life crisis.  I’m not doing the stereotypical things like buying sports cars or having affairs.  In fact, as I look at my peers, most of them appear to be doing a lot of the same things I am doing - looking for something that will make the next decade different, in a positive, productive way. 

I think society should stop using the phrase “mid-life crisis” and find a more positive term to describe the need to make changes in our lives.  “Mid-life crisis” conjures up images of leathery blondes in tight clothes desperately looking for a young lover, or a man with a bad comb-over buying a yacht to compensate for his lost virility.

I was trying to come up with a new, positive phrase for this period of life, but the word “change” kept popping into my head.  As this is associated with a woman transitioning into her menopausal years, I decided that it is not the terminology I was looking for.  I also thought “mid-life” sounds so old.  Although people in their forties are in the middle period of their lives, they are still very vibrant and full of life, not at all the image that “mid-life” is associated with.

I checked a thesaurus to see what they had listed for synonyms of mid-life and the last entry was “the wrong side of forty”.  Ugh.  That is horrible.  Who I am at 41 is a different person than who I was at 31.  Why is that wrong?

Does anyone have any ideas for a new name for this period of life?  Let’s start a revolution and make people think about this differently.  Send suggestions to me, I’m on board!