I have been thinking a lot about manipulation lately. I’ve decided that I am relatively easy to manipulate because I tend to be a “people pleaser” and avoid conflict. This causes me many problems in my life, because I am often influenced, controlled, coerced or taken advantage of.

I am certainly quite capable of standing up for myself. It’s just that in many situations, I will allow myself to be finagled to avoid confrontation or conflict with another person.

I’m not saying I’ve never manipulated someone, ever, because I believe that we all have. I just try not to be that type of person. Sometimes this is not so easy, though, as we all have some sort of power over people and use it to our own advantage.

Some people are master manipulators. I’m sure we all have at least one of these people in our lives. They are button-pushers and know exactly what to say and do to get what they want. They tend to be very charismatic, and people are often drawn to them. They seem fantastic outwardly, but once you get a glimpse of what is inside, it is hard to see them as anything other than an emotional bully. This is what I imagine people like Hitler and Jim Jones must have been like.

These people make manipulation a way of life, and use it to gain professional favours and forward their careers, as well as on a personal level to influence friendships and intimate relationships. I liken these people to Svengali and find that their behaviour is abusive, even if it is subtle, and can be alluring to people that are unaware of what is happening.

Do you have some one like this in your life?  Do you let yourself be manipulated by this kind of person?  It’s pretty hard not to.  If you let these people know that you are “onto them”, they will often become angry with you because they are embarrassed, ashamed and they believe they will always get away with their behaviour.  It’s not pleasant for them to be discovered as a phony.

So how do we deal with master manipulators?  I am learning to deal with conflict and not be afraid of it.  This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my entire life.  Styles of communication are very difficult to change and it is not easy to change the way we react in situations.  Am I ever going to be able to deal effectively with master manipulators?  I hope so!

Do you have any ideas, tips or tricks on how to deal with these situations?  I’d love to hear from you!  Please leave a comment, or you can email me at donig@mts.net.  I can also be reached on my Facebook fan page or Twitter.