Good morning, Readers, both new and returning! Last week I was in some post-Easter, chocolate induced mania, but I had a major crash by Thursday and I think I’m back to normal. Or as normal as I’ll ever be. On the bright side, I wrote three blog posts, worked on my novel and pottered away on a couple of craft projects I was working on. Please don’t judge me.
The topic of today’s post was suggested to me by a very intelligent, independent friend of mine. She had read a letter to Dan Savage, the relationship and sex advice columnist, and wanted people’s opinions on Dan’s advice. The letter was from a woman living with her boyfriend, but wanting her own space, physically. She was afraid that if she suggested that each partner go back to maintaining their own apartments, she would be rejected or it would indicate serious problems with the relationship. Dan gave an example of a married couple that maintained separate apartments in the same building, with the children having their rooms and sleeping at Mom’s and preparing and eating meals at Dad’s.
Of the people that gave feedback to my friend’s question, it appears that overwhelmingly, people would ideally like to be in a monogamous, long-term relationship, but would skip the co-habitation if they could. Now, this is by no means scientific or statistically valid. All it indicates is that some people chose to let my friend know that they agreed with the idea of maintaining separate residences to preserve a relationship. I think my friend was quite surprised that so many people felt the same way that she did and that were willing to be so open about it.
Maybe divorce rates would be lower if couples maintained separate residences so they could have their own space. If you look at houses in the newer developments in any North American suburban area, they are generally massive. Does this greater amount of space give couples more freedom to pursue their own interests and have self-time? It appears that if more people had the option financially, they would maintain separate homes from their spouses. Unfortunately, especially in this financial climate, this does not appear to be an alternative for most people.
Nobody addressed the social stigma that the woman thought would be attached to her if she asked her boyfriend if they could maintain separate residences. I never gave that part of the puzzle much thought, but I’m a “screw you” kind of girl and don’t care too much about others’ opinions of me. It is a valid point, though. It would be different if they had never lived together, but people will always wonder why they chose to change the living arrangements, and of course, there always is the gossip. No one can give this woman the answer she is looking for, she needs to decide what is right for her. If her saves her relationship, who cares what others’ think?
What’s your take on this? How do you feel about the option of maintaining separate residences? I’d like to hear from you! I can be emailed at donig@mts.net or tweeted at http://twitter.com/OrianneD. Also, a special thanks goes to my good friend, AD in Toronto, for being the inspiration for this post. Thanks, darling!
Orianne
