I probably have no readers left because I have not been posting regularly and the posts I have done have not been remarkable in any way. So if there is anyone out there that is still interested in “O’s Opinions”, here goes.

I have thought many times about my blog and have felt pressure to post something. There are a few reasons why I have been neglecting this, though. People ask me to “write one of my hilarious posts”, but I haven’t had anything funny to say in a while. Sometimes the things that are going on around us are not amusing to ourselves, and certainly not to others. One of the other reasons that I haven’t been blogging is forgetfulness.

I have gotten so forgetful lately. I used to pride myself on my excellent memory, but I can no longer do this. There have been a few times when I was going to blog about forgetfulness, but forgot to do it. 

Let’s move on. The reason I actually sat down to write is because I am fuming over the poor writing skills and salacious, sensationalistic stories that appear all over my home page. I use Sympatico as my home page because I like having a variety of things to glance over when I go on the computer. On so many occasions in the past little while, I find the “headlines” for the links have almost nothing to do with the story and are made to look so much more newsworthy than they really are. It usually just ends up being regurgitated drivel with a scandalous tidbit to drive more users to a page. So much out there is just gross and vulgar, and if I feel that way, it must be really bad.

The other bit that irks me to no end is the horrible grammar and spelling that some of these writers use. I cannot believe that these people are able to have their stories linked from a popular site, or are actually paid to write. Does no one edit their pieces before they are published? Did these people actually take any writing or journalism courses? There are so many good writers out there trying to get read, how can this crap earn a living for these people?

I blame blogging. Any butthead with a computer can put whatever they want out there. Yes, I am biting the hand that feeds me. No, wait a minute. NO ONE PAYS ME TO DO THIS! There are so many good bloggers out there trying to have their writing skills noticed that they write for free, to gain experience and maybe have someone notice them. If people like what they read, that is a major bonus to most bloggers.

I’m not saying that I am the next great writer, I just like writing and putting some of my quirkiness out there. I still think that I am a waaaaaaayyyyyyy better writer than half of these people that are on the payrolls of these big websites that make a lot of money. How is this possible? Hell, I’ll do it for half of what they are paying the ignoramuses!

Is there anyone else out there that is sick of the tabloid-like garbage that passes for news? How do we change this? I was going to say something else, too, but I forgot. Sigh.

I am no angel, and have never claimed to be. Those of you that know me in person know exactly what I am saying. I’ve always been a curser (not cursor; sorry, little computer pun) and this is completely okay in my family. My parents cursed, and I even heard my grandmother curse on many occasions. No big deal as long as you are responsible.

This means appropriate behaviour at those important times and in those important places. I generally have very few problems with this, but at times things slip out. I was so embarrassed today, when one of those slips happened.

I was listening to tunes on my iPhone when the phone rang. This has never happened to me before, but I always wondered what happened in these instances. I found out today. The music shuts off and you are instantly on the phone.

I was muttering to myself out loud, “Aw, f**k, who is phoning me now?”, and I got a response. “It’s Nurse Ratchet from the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority following up on your H1N1 status”. Oh no, she heard me! I was mortified! I wanted a hole in the floor to open up and swallow me.

So, I’m talking to this woman and trying to be super polite. All I can think is, do I apologize or let it go? She just kept on talking and talking and I couldn’t find an opportunity to say anything. After a minute or two, I felt like it would make it even worse if I apologized for cursing at her. What else could I do?

Now I have to careful even when I’m talking to myself. Damn technology.

Ugh. Well, I am back, in case anyone missed me. I had the H1N1 flu and the seasonal flu shots about two weeks ago.  I either was incubated with the H1N1 virus before the vaccine, or had a severe reaction it. The medical system can’t determine which, but the doctor said it didn’t really matter, I was sick either way.

After days of feeling like complete crap and a round of antibiotics, I finally feel well enough to concentrate on something for more than three minutes. And what fun we have had.

I was so irritable, I actually had a little fit of road rage the other day. We were driving home on Sunday afternoon and traffic was crazy because the big football game just ended. There were people and cars everywhere, cutting others off and just being ignorant. One woman was being particularly b*tchy and started yelling at us and dropping the “f-bomb”. I looked at her with a huge grin on my face and gave her a DOUBLE middle-finger salute.

This is uncharacteristic of me, not because I am a pleasant and meek person, but because I am afraid that someone like Jack Nicholson will jump out of a car with a golf club and use it. Oh well, aren’t you allowed to be irritable when you aren’t feeling well?

I have every right to be touchy. Kids take advantage of you when you are not feeling well. My darling second child volunteered to brush my hair. After a minute or two, I looked to see which brush she was using because it felt funny. Since when is, “Get that cat comb off my head!” a rational response? What normal human being thinks they will ever utter that sentence? Only a mother. A sick mother.

This same child is the one that chatters non-stop. Normally, this is tolerable, but the other day she was giving me a windy discourse of her thoughts. I actually said aloud, “Wow, even your inner dialogue is long-winded”. Good thing she had no idea what I was talking about.

Oh well, I’m starting to feel much better. Hopefully I can find more strength to get things done and be a better parent. My child in elementary school thinks that Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror Picture Show is handsome. What kind of mother lets a six-year-old watch that movie? It’s my own fault. It was Halloween and I was tired.

I have never discussed about politics (per se) before and I never intended to.  For all the people living outside of Canada, if you have no interest in Canadian politics, you can leave now, unless you want to read one of the incoherent rants that I am famous for.

For those of you that are unaware, Canada has been governed by a Conservative minority government for the past few years. I have never supported or voted for a Conservative government, and my views right now are surprising.

I live in a very strong, urban NDP riding and proudly vote this way, even if it is seen as a wasted vote, because my NDP MP is a powerful woman with an excellent record in Parliament.  I have strong leftist leanings (child of two “Pierre Trudeau bleeding hearts liberals”), even though I believe that politics, like religion, shouldn’t be talked about because it causes a lot of bad blood.

Today I read an article regarding Canadian politics that really made me angry.  It appears that Michael Ignatieff, the leader of the Liberal party, has voted against the Conservative government on two issues, that in this economy, makes a lot of sense to make a stronger Canada.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not supporting the Conservative government, but come on! We have got to make sure we are creating a stronger Canada to tough the economic times.

First, the Liberals voted against a tax credit that will go to homeowners that have done renovations to their home within the last tax year.  I can’t believe that I am agreeing with the “right”, but this makes sense, to both stimulate the economy and give people a break on their taxes at year end.

The second thing that the Liberals are opposing is a condition to the Employment Insurance and long-term workers.  I don’t pretend to understand half of what is going on because I have only a passing interest in politics, but again, this makes little sense in the struggling economy. 

Are the Liberals trying to totally screw any chance they ever have of regaining power?  What the hell are they thinking?  If they ever want the average Canadian tax-payer (which is most of us) to ever vote for them again, why are they making the Conservatives look good?

I can’t believe that I am backing the Conservatives over the Liberals.  The Liberal Party has completely fallen apart and has become a joke.  How do they ever expect to govern the country again with such bad decisions?  In my opinion, the NDP should change their name like the old Reform party did.  It worked for them.  They’ve been governing the nation for a while now.  I’m just saying.

Now I know why I called my blog “O’s Opinions”.

Does anyone out there suffer from insomnia?  I know that everyone goes through phases in their lives where they cannot sleep, but I mean a real wicked case of insomnia for an extended period of time where sleep is elusive?

I’ve discovered that many people have difficulties sleeping and I’m not sure if this is a modern ailment or not.  My thinking is that hundreds of years ago, when people had to physically work from sun up to sun down just to run their household, getting a good night’s sleep wasn’t such a problem.   I may be way off base, but it makes sense.

In this modern era of stress and depression and anxiety, people have more time to ruminate over issues.  Many people do not exercise enough (me included, but I’m trying) and their bodies aren’t as physically spent at the end of the day.  Weight issues cause snoring, apnea and other problems that harm healthy sleeping patterns.

So here’s the deal.  I cannot sleep and have had major sleeping issues off and on my entire adult life.  I’ve been to a sleep clinic where I’ve been recorded while I was sleeping (or lack there of), I’ve had medical tests out the wazoo, changed my diet and exercise habits, lost weight, and prescribed medication.

I still cannot sleep through the night.  I am one of those people that generally has relatively few problems falling asleep, but I cannot stay asleep.  I was prescribed a “Z-drug”, which is like a benzodiazepine except thought to be less addictive.  It now turns out that they are probably as addictive as the old-school benzodiazepines.  Thanks, doctor.

These sleeping pills are supposed to be taken “as needed”.  I started talking them every night.  When I expressed concern over addiction, the doctor said not to be concerned about that right now (that’s a joke, me not be concerned).  I was still waking up in the middle of the night and having problem falling back asleep.  The doctor then told me to take two sleeping pills a night, which apparently is enough to put a lumberjack in a coma, but I still wake up in the night.

We all know the saying, “there is no rest for the wicked”, but really, were the things I’ve done that bad?  Oh well, what can you do?  Just wait for nine o’clock so I can take my sleeping pills.

I spent my twenties trying to figure who I was and what I should be doing.  You know, forming an identity.  I spent my thirties creating stability and settling into my roles.  Now in my forties, I feel the need to change many aspects of my life and revamp parts of my identity. 

I guess this is the so-called mid-life crisis.  I’m not doing the stereotypical things like buying sports cars or having affairs.  In fact, as I look at my peers, most of them appear to be doing a lot of the same things I am doing - looking for something that will make the next decade different, in a positive, productive way. 

I think society should stop using the phrase “mid-life crisis” and find a more positive term to describe the need to make changes in our lives.  “Mid-life crisis” conjures up images of leathery blondes in tight clothes desperately looking for a young lover, or a man with a bad comb-over buying a yacht to compensate for his lost virility.

I was trying to come up with a new, positive phrase for this period of life, but the word “change” kept popping into my head.  As this is associated with a woman transitioning into her menopausal years, I decided that it is not the terminology I was looking for.  I also thought “mid-life” sounds so old.  Although people in their forties are in the middle period of their lives, they are still very vibrant and full of life, not at all the image that “mid-life” is associated with.

I checked a thesaurus to see what they had listed for synonyms of mid-life and the last entry was “the wrong side of forty”.  Ugh.  That is horrible.  Who I am at 41 is a different person than who I was at 31.  Why is that wrong?

Does anyone have any ideas for a new name for this period of life?  Let’s start a revolution and make people think about this differently.  Send suggestions to me, I’m on board!

For Mother’s Day, I received an iPhone.  I had an iPod Touch before that and thought that it was a wondrous little contraption.  The iPhone blows it away. 

Now, this blog isn’t about all the technologically amazing things that the iPhone can do and how well it does it (although I’m sure this will creep in).  I wanted to talk about what I call “The Cult of iPhone”.  When people see me (or others) using an iPhone, I notice looks of envy from those that are not fortunate enough to possess such a magnificent creation.  My husband has a Brickberry Blackberry and is terribly jealous of the magic of my iPhone.  I know he bought it for me because he really, really wants one.

The Cult of iPhone creates a bond between perfect strangers.  I was out for dinner on Saturday night and happened to have my iPhone out when the waitress came by the table.  She started gushing about how much she loves her iPhone and asked me if I had certain apps for mine.  She told me about one in particular that she highly recommended and this turned into a ten minute conversation about iPhones and their capabilities.  I have seen this happen on many occasions.

You may be thinking that these conversations could happen over anything.  Sure, they could.  But I’ve never seen people so drawn to and passionate about one little thing before!  Even my mom and stepdad, who care little about technology were quite taken when I showed them my marvelous gift. 

I think Apple is trying to take over the world.  They have built these beautiful little machines that brainwash and reprogram people.  How will I ever use a regular cell phone again?  What did human beings do before the advent of the smart phone?

Okay, I have to go now.  I need to get some more iTunes, hang some pictures using the iHandy Level app that I downloaded and learn how to say “good morning” in Swahili.  I can do all that from my iPhone.  At the same time.

It’s a good thing I’m married because I’m beginning to think that I am verging on cougar territory.  Aging has never been an issue for me before, but it sure has hit me hard the last few months. 

If you read some of my previous posts, you know that I’ve cut pretty much all the crap out of my diet.  What I didn’t mention was that I’ve really stepped my work out routine as well, trying to target different areas of the body, instead of just using my elliptical day after day.

I also cut my hair into a cute new style, but this was purely because my hair is super thick and I was tired of having a sweaty head all the time.  I hear you saying, “Sure, sure, Orianne, justify it all you want”.

Like I said, it’s a good thing I’m married.  If I wasn’t I might invest in gel nails and botox and start hanging around the local cougar den (The Pal, for the Winnipeg readers).  I’d spackle on the make up, put on a push up bra and go show all the young dudes my latin dance moves.  Ha ha ha ha ha, this makes me laugh hysterically just thinking about it.

I’m not making fun of gel nails and botox, they are just not ME.  Who knows, maybe in another five or ten years, a bit of collagen may be needed in my lips, because they sure aren’t the full lips I had when I was twenty!  I just tend to be a little lower maintenance, but I see this starting to fade away.

Time sure has a way of taking the bloom off the rose, and we live in a very superficial society.  The cosmetics, fashion and plastic surgery industries make ridiculous sums of money each year.  It’s pretty hard not to get sucked in.

If I ever start looking like a cougar and am checking out the young emo boys, slap me upside the head, please.

My husband is complaining about my shoe collection.  It is overflowing out of the bedroom closet and the downstairs coat closet is so packed full of shoes, sometimes an avalanche falls down when you open the door. I can’t help it, I love shoes!

I have shoes I’ve never even worn.  Sad, isn’t it?  I have three pairs, two of them beautiful designer labels, that have only been tried on.  I have several other pairs that I’ve worn maybe once or twice.

I will wear one of the new pairs to my daughter’s graduation next week, but I’m torn as to which pair.  The black Steve Madden “Steven” collection satin pumps with the ankle strap, or the cute buff-coloured peep-toe Guess sling-backs?

It’s a good thing I can’t afford Jimmy Choo or Laboutin.  I was looking at a $700.00 pair of Christian Dior shoes one day and I think Big Daddy Kev nearly died.  I had to give him CPR and then explain that I was JUST LOOKING.

He told my mother yesterday my dirty little secret of buying three pairs of shoes at once.  He also made sure it was very clear that I did not just do this once, but have on several occasions.  Not that my mother really cares, but I know she thinks that it is extravagant.  It’s not really, though.  What am I supposed to do?  Walk around barefooted?  A girl needs to have shoes that GO with her dresses.  And jeans.  And dress pants.  And skirts.  And jackets.

I even have multiple pairs of the same shoes, just in different colours.  Not just of one style, but of four different styles.  How many pairs of shoes do I have, I hear you asking.  Well, I’m not sure, but at one point several years ago, the count was close to one hundred.  I have thrown out and given away many, many of those pairs, but have accumulated more.  I actually am not sure how many pairs I own.

Sigh.  I have to go now and clean out my closet.  I have to find a way to make all those shoes fit, because I’m not ready to get rid of any of them.  Funny how attached I am to those things.

So Susan Boyle didn’t win “Britain’s Got Talent”.  Boo hoo.  The whole bloody internet is in an uproar because she came in second.  I’ll be quite honest.  Who gives a shit?

A lot of you are going to be angry at me for that statement, but let me explain.  I think she really is an amazing singer and it’s great that she has had this opportunity.  I think she belongs on Broadway or London’s West End.  In our pop culture obsessed society, we’ve made a big deal about this woman who has lived a hard life and doesn’t portray the image  that we have come to expect from pop stars.

The whole idea of having to be surgically enhanced, airbrushed, fluffed and polished to make music is relatively new.  Musicians and singers have always presented an image to the public to be consumed, but this envelope gets pushed further and further as we get more obsessed with celebrities.  My generation is responsible for much of this, as we were teens in the 1980s, when the use of the music video as a marketing tool became de rigeur.  I remember me and my friends going crazy for Duran Duran videos because there was not one unattractive guy in that band.

This is gone to such an extreme now, that when a woman that can sing but is considered unattractive comes along, a huge media circus is created.  Has anyone ever taken a look at some opera singers?  In this era of lip syncing and Pussycat Dolls, people are surprised when a woman without a nose or boob job gets on a stage and sings.  Whatever happened to getting a recording contract based on talent, not looks?

I am really sick of celebrity obsessed culture.  You see it plastered all over the internet, tv and magazines at the check out stand.  It screams out at you everywhere.  Do I care if Jon and Kate are having marriage problems?  What are Britney and Lindsay and Paris up to this week?  WHO CARES!!!!  I used to like Mel Gibson movies, especially Braveheart, but now because of the anti-semitic trash he spouts and now all this pregnant girlfriend stuff,  I can’t even watch his stupid cheesy face anymore!

Congratulations to the winner of “Britain’s Got Talent” (whomever you are) and congratulations to Susan Boyle.  You got pretty far for an ugly girl (I hope you all get the sarcasm).